Facing my Fears (aka Writing my List)

Being as I have a whopping three whole triathlons under my belt, I am far from being comfortable with the event, especially the swim portion of it.

My first triathlon consisted of a 200y swim across the American River that was probably closer to 150y.  Clear water, a straight shot across the river, and a relatively short distance made this the easiest swim to date.

My second triathlon was at a race called "Ice Breaker". As the name suggests, it was cold. The water was also murky and choppy and the swim was 800y. On top of that, I had not been doing any kind of open water swimming. My last open water swim was my first race. I entered the water and about 100 yards into it, I began to panic. The race did not go as planned.  Afterwards, my initial thought was, I need to get back in the water. Not that I particularly wanted to do another swim, but I needed to face my demons...and soon!

The third race was the Angels Camp triathlon. Prior to this race, I went and did a practice swim with +James and Mojo. The practice swim put me at ease. I took my time during the practice to try and get comfortable in the water. On race day, I still got jelly legs when my adrenaline kicked in, but it was so much better than Ice Breaker and this swim was 1000y (I'm noting the distances mainly for myself so I can see the progress I have made LOL).

Now I've got my 4th triathlon coming up. It is an Olympic distance race, which means a 1500m swim. The race is still 4 days away, but I'm starting to get that sick, nervous feeling already. I have done a couple of open water swims with the tri group, so I'm hoping that I will see improvement in my ability to remain calm and relaxed.

A Non-Triathlon Read (sort of)

Since I've finished reading my last "triathlon" book, I picked up a book I started reading several months ago called "The Fear Project". Its an interesting book, but sometimes not a very entertaining read which is why it lost out to "Triathlon for Every Woman" and "Sex, Lies, and Triathlon" (to name a few).

Anyway, I started reading "The Fear Project" again and in it the author discussed his fear of surfing the Mavericks. He met with a sports psychology consultant (who happens to be a triathlete).

In the book, she tells him to list all of his fears about the Mavericks. If there were fears that he had no control over, he had to scratch them off the list. No sense in worrying about something you cannot do nothing about. Regarding the fears that he did have control over, she instructed him to script out an action plan for each one.

Here is an excerpt from the book:

"It feels a bit weird to make a list like this, Paige assured me, but she'd seen too many times how necessary it could be. She had one client, a first-time triathlete, call her the night before the big race and say: "I just can't stop thinking that I'm going to get a flat tire on the bike." 

Paige started with the obvious. "Well, do you know how to change a flat tire? Have you ever practiced?" 

"No," the client admitted, "but..." 

"That's why you make a list in advance," Paige said.

Hmmm...I'm thinking the whole list thing may be a good idea.

My List of Tri Fears

• I won't be able to swim the 1500m. (I've done this distance in the pool.  I've done progressively longer races. There is no reason I cannot do this distance, especially in a wetsuit. I made my 12 year old swim this distance in a pool. Continue working on technique at practice and remaining calm.  Work on long strokes and efficient swimming).

• I'll get too nervous and won't be able to breathe and then I'll start swimming breaststroke. (Work on remaining calm in the water. Count my strokes, distract myself from my anxiety. Besides, swimming breaststroke is not the end of the world).

• There will be weeds in the water. (No control over that one, just don't stop swimming if I get in them).

• Too many people in the water. (No control over that one)

• Flat tire on the bike. This only scares me because it will slow me down. (I've practiced many times how to change a flat).

• I'll get overheated. (Work on staying hydrated. Bring a mini ice-chest to the race with cold drinks)

• I'll want to quit and start walking. (If this feeling starts, trying thinking of all the reasons to keep running. Only walk in the event of an injury or SEVERE cramp).

• I won't do as well as I want to. I feel a lot of pressure because people think I'm going to do well. (Remember that this is a learning experience. Just going to do my best)

More on Anxiety

As I was eating lunch at the kitchen counter and contemplating my list of triathlon fears, I looked down at the latest issue of Runner's World. On the cover were the words "Anxious? Here's how to calm down."  Must be divine intervention. The suggestions were pretty basic and seemed to focus more on training than racing. However, the article did mention that "negative thoughts and associated stress can sap your energy". I've got to remember this on race day. I need all the energy I have for swimming, biking and running.

A separate note on the same page discussed pre-race jitters and suggested going to watch a race first and see how it unfolds. Perfect! I'll be at the race site the day before to cheer on Jordan as well as the Old Guy Relay.

Tuesday Review

So, Sunday June 2 will be my first olympic distance triathlon. I was on the fence about signing up but F'n James insisted...no, ORDERED me to do this race! Whatever! I'll do it...I need to do it. I need to do the swim and get it over with.

Since this was a short work week for me, I took a few extra days off. Now I have to fight the urge to train, train, train and try and be smart about my upcoming race. On Monday I did a Spinervals workout on the trainer followed by P90X "Shoulders and Arms". Tuesday was a another double workout day for me. I swam in the morning and then went to Fleet Feet with Hot Stuff in the afternoon.

Morning Swim

Still lovin' my new Garmin. The only set it didn't pick up was a 50y kick set I did, but that's OK. It's not like I was setting a world record or anything. Morning practices are back at Tokay which is nice because the pool feels less crowded.  The other thing I like about morning practices is the fact that everyone is a little less chatty (a LOT less chatty than the Wednesday evening group LOL). Don't get me wrong, I love the Wednesday night group, I'm just not a morning person and appreciate the silence :-)

Tuesday Morning Swim by tpengilly at Garmin Connect - Details

Fleet Feet Run

When we got to Fleet Feet, we were immediately asked why we didn't come last week. HS explained that I was too sore after the Avenue of the Vines. Then someone asked "You placed, right?" I wish! Well, 12th is a place, it's just not a place anywhere near the podium. I would love to be able to run much faster than I do. I'm just not sure how to get there.

Mr. Turner arrived as we were about to head out on the run. He was wearing a suit and tie, so I was pretty sure he didn't plan on running. Tony did make him a pretty nice offer if he agreed to run in his suit, but he declined. Darn! I would have loved to see him running down Ben Holt.

Actually, MT came to Fleet Feet because he knew he would find us there. I guess that's better than him going to a bar to look for us ;-) MT just wanted to make sure that I was going to bring my mountain bike to the race on Saturday for Jordan. If Jordan's legs were a little longer, she could have used my rode bike. Saturday should be a lot fun. Not only is Jordan doing her first triathlon, but the old dudes (F'n James, Hot Stuff and MT) are doing a relay.

OK, back to the Fleet Feet run...once again, I failed at maintaining a slower, recovery pace. Well, I wouldn't say failed. I maintained a pace, but it may have been a bit faster than I had planned. This guy took off really fast so I had to chase him down. Ugh! Why do I always do that?

Tuesday Fleet Feet Run by tpengilly at Garmin Connect - Details

Next week is going to be the Mizuno pub run. Not sure where we are going to end up, but it should be fun (it always is)...although I may bring some cash so I can get a glass of wine...just can't do the beer thing.

LMT Invades Stockton

In an attempt to avoid the craziness of Memorial Day weekend and to keep our group safe and sound, we opted for the streets of Stockton 

Using my house as a base of operations, we met bright and early for an 11+ mile ride followed by a 2.5/3.5 mile run.

Here are links to the stats for today's brick workout:

• LMT Tri 101 Class Brick - Bike
• LMT Tri 101 Class Brick - Run

After the workout, we headed to Bob's at the Marina for a little breakfast or in the case of Hot Stuff and his chili cheese omelet, a LOT of breakfast.

Yes, I'm taking pictures again. Smile!

Random Thoughts on a Saturday Morning

Blog Stats

I occasionally check the stats on the blog dashboard to see which posts are being read. So far this month, my most popular post is the one about my meltdown, and it's less than a week old. I Guess no one really likes the positive posts...only the ones about mental breakdowns and crying and wanting to give up. I'll remember that in the future.

About Alcatraz

One word = NO! 

There is a swim in San Francisco that goes from Alcatraz to the city. This race is called "Alcatraz Sharkfest".  I'm pretty sure this is the race that and +Stephanie and Coach John keep trying to convince me to do.

Just sayin' 

Couple of things:

1) It has the word SHARK in the title!  Hello??? For those of you that say there are no sharks in the bay, check out the article "Sharks of San Francisco Bay". The leopard shark is the most popular, however, "other sharks visit the Bay, including the Great White Sharks".  Nuff said.

2) This warning from the race website:

PLEASE NOTE: This swim is not for novices. This event is for experienced open-water swimmers only. You should be able to swim one mile comfortably in a pool in under 40 minutes.

Please define "comfortably".

3) I had a freak out in Folsom lake because it was choppy and cold.  Do you think SF bay will be choppy and cold? Yeah, that's what I thought.

You see, in the list of things I would like to do in my life, swimming in freezing cold, shark-infested waters with hundreds of crazy people ranks one notch above sky diving (which I NEVER plan on doing).  Now, if Stephanie came to me and said, "Hey, I know we really haven't been training for it, but lets do an Ironman race next month." I would be like "Sure, I'll give it a try. What's the worse that can happen?" :-)

Tri Weirdness

So the latest book I have been reading is called "Sex, Lies and Triathlon" by Leib Dodell. It's a collection of short musings about all the crazy and weird things that triathletes do. +Hot Stuff asked if the author mentioned obsessive reading of triathlon books. Very funny, Hot Stuff!

Funny... great for the bathroom :-)

Shoes and Socks

I finally got the call I had been waiting for...Fleet Feet got the shoes that I had ordered! Woo Hoo! As soon as I got home from work I told Hot Stuff that my shoes had come in and I needed to go pick them up. I went to my room to get a pair of socks, remembering that I dare not show up with cotton socks, lest Tony sees them and tells me that "cotton is rotten". So, in order to not offend, I looked for a pair of good running socks.

On my nightstand was a pair of Feetures! that I vaguely remembered wearing during Avenue of the Vines last week. Why were they still on my nightstand? Why did I put them there instead of the hamper? Oh, well, I looked at the socks to see if they were clean.  They had faint traces of dirt on the bottoms, probably from walking around without my shoes on. So I smelled them...Not bad, but the dirty bottoms made them unacceptable for a new shoe fitting. 

To my amazement, I put them back on my nightstand to wear later. 

OMG! I think I'm turning into a guy ;-) 

Partners in Crime

It's bad enough sitting alone in your office longing to be outside in the sunshine swimming or biking or running. Its hard not to go in search of a supervisor to sign a leave slip just so you don't have to wait a few extra hours to get off of work.  Its exceptionally difficult when you work with your tri peeps and they are thinking the same thing.  It's like a virus running through the office and the next thing you know you are up in Sacramento getting ready to go for a ride with all the bad influences you work with. 

Team Public Works

A Book by Its Cover

Went to dinner last night with Hot Stuff, Loo and Max. There was a group of women in the bar that we could see from our table. One of the ladies was incredibly fit and tan, and had hair that may have been exposed to more chemicals than just the ones at the beauty salon (i.e. chlorine).  Since we were in Folsom, I figured she was probably a triathlete. Hot Stuff was thinking the same thing...sort of.  He leans over to me and ask "Do you think she's a triathlete or a lesbian?"  

What the heck does that mean???

Final Thoughts

Wonder twin powers...activate!!!

Why do I consider myself a "closet athlete"?

I had originally started this post back in March. I have made several attempts since then to put into words why I consider myself a "closet athlete", but have found it to be very challenging. I guess calling myself a "closet athlete" was my way of saying that I didn't consider myself to be an athlete. I felt this way because I had spent most of my adult life living off the athletic accomplishments of others instead of pursuing my own.

Unfulfilled Dreams

I was an active kid.  I took gymnastic and tennis lessons.  I played softball for a season, I played on the first all girl soccer team in Stockton, and I swam on the summer rec team for a few seasons. Were any of these activities on a highly competitive level? Not really. Did I play any of these sports in high school? Nope. Did I aspire to do more? Unfortunately, no. That is, until I had my own kids.

This is probably one of the hardest things to write.  Probably because I have to admit that I pushed my daughters to compete, not always when they wanted to, but when I wanted them to. I think I did this because I felt I had missed my opportunity when I was young and I wanted to make sure that they didn't.  Would I change anything? Of course. Would I have pushed as hard as I did? Maybe not...but then again, maybe I would have.

Ashley (age 10) at Tiger Memorial Day Swim Meet

My girls' accomplishments became my own and I lived through them. Every first place finish, every high point trophy, every PR, every goal, every save...they all became my own. It didn't matter that I wasn't the one spending several hours a week practicing. It didn't matter that I wasn't the one in the pool getting kicked and scratched during a water polo game. It didn't matter that physically I had let myself go while pushing them to improve.

The end of my daughters' high school careers was bittersweet.  So much of my time had been spent getting them to practice and games, now I wasn't going to be needed. +Ashley went on to Sonoma State and quickly decided that the college experience she wanted to have did not include water polo and she quit the team. I wasn't happy about this, but Lindsey was still in high school so there was plenty of sports still going on close to home.

First Pacific Water Polo Big West Player of the Week

+Lindsey had a choice of several colleges, and a few had offered her water polo scholarships. She eventually selected the University of the Pacific. Not only did she receive a nice scholarship, but she was going to be close to home. It was a win-win in my book.

Unfortunately, once her college career got started, so did problems with the coach. At the end of Lindsey's freshman year at Pacific, a number of players quit the team (including Lindsey), unwilling to put up with the coach's erratic and often abusive behavior.

Without the scholarship, Pacific was out of our price range. Lindsey decided she wanted to go to Sonoma State with her sister and the SSU water polo coach even offered her a scholarship to play for them. However, by the end of that summer, Lindsey was done with sports and declined the scholarship. It was the end of MY athletic career! LOL

Moving On

So, by the fall of 2009, I was completely done with sports. I had no more practices or games to attend.  Mike and I did our P90X workouts together and we did a couple of 5k fun runs, but that was it. Then a funny thing happened.

In 2012, Lindsey decided to do the Great Spear-It run with me at the Asparagus Festival. Lindsey placed first in her age group and I placed second in mine. I was shocked. We really hadn't been training. I had been suffering with plantar fasciitis and had just starting running again after taking several months off. However, that victory ignited something inside of me...I wanted to compete.

Zoo Zoom - They called us the"Amazing Pengilly Running Family"

I think it ignited something in Lindsey too, because that same day she suggested we do a half marathon. Three weeks later we ran in the Avenue of the Vines. We then decided to do the Zoo Zoom and Lindsey, Max, Mike, and I all came home with medals. Who would have thought that competing for yourself instead of vicariously through someone else could be so rewarding? I was hooked!

I started scanning race websites looking for the next event. One event that caught my eye was a super sprint triathlon at Eagle Lakes in Tracy, CA. Unfortunately, it was the same weekend that Mike and the guys go to the motor cycle races at Laguna Seca. I asked a couple of people if they could give me and my mountain bike a ride to the race (since there was no way I could get a bike in my car), but things didn't work out. So I picked a half marathon trail run to do that weekend instead.

Why a Tri?

At this point, I can't tell you why I thought I wanted to do a triathlon. One of the mother's on the girls' water polo team did triathlons and she always looked pretty cool rolling up to practice on her bike AND she dropped a ton of weight. Other than that, it just seemed like a fun new challenge and I wanted to race! Then an interesting post showed up on the Fleet Feet Facebook page...

The post that changed everything!

Wow! A triathlon class! This is just what I needed/wanted. I anxiously attended the first meeting (I made Hot Stuff go with me for support). I was ready to quit before I got started. Coach +James and all of his hard core triathlon gear freaked me out. Funny thing is, it hasn't even been a year since I started, and now I could probably lay out a pile of gear and crap that would freak out a newbie.

Anyway, I went through James' class and completed my first triathlon on October 7. I finished first in my age group and was second overall female. I couldn't wait to race again! I signed up for another 5k and a duathlon the following month. Within days of finishing those races, I registered for Barb's race, a half Ironman distance race.

Out of the Closet

I've heard James' remark that he's created a monster. I beg to differ. I think the monster has always been there, I think James' simply unleashed the monster. Now instead of living through the accomplishments of my children, I spend my time cajoling friends and family to come try a triathlon with me. I'm sure Mike cringes every time I point out a race "we" could do together ("We" meaning, if you don't want to race, you get to carry my stuff and take pictures LOL).

Actually, I'm to the point where I don't feel like I need to have someone there beside me holding my hand (although I love knowing that Hot Stuff is there at the finish line waiting for me). I compete for myself and I enjoy it more than I can say...I guess that's why I want to share it with people. I want my friends and family to experience the sense of accomplishment from pushing past your fears and breaking out of your comfort zone. Regardless of your reasons for competing, the feeling when you cross the finish line is amazing!

Well, this post was a little long, but I've had this stuff in my head for a while and needed to get it out. I guess I'm officially "out of the closet". Maybe my kids can live vicariously through me now ;-)

Post Race Meltdown

Typically, I will have a pre-race meltdown...yesterday afternoon, however, I had a post race meltdown.

I was starting to feel the effects of the half marathon and began doubting my ability to complete Barb's Race at the end of July. How am I going to swim 1.2 miles, bike 56 miles and THEN do a half marathon? I must have been temporarily insane when I registered for the race. The tears started flowing and all poor Hot Stuff could do was try and tell me it was going to be OK. How could it possibly be OK?

What made things worse was when James mentioned an upcoming Olympic distance race and my first thought was "I can't do an Olympic distance. It's too long".  Hello?  It's almost half the distance of Barb's Race. You better be able to do an Olympic distance! Ugh!!! What am I going to do?  

Running Buddy Pick-Me-Up

Sometimes all it takes is talking to a friend to put things into perspective. I had emailed Michael Turner (I'll just call him Mr. Turner) this

Wrong Michael Turner

morning to confirm he wanted to do the relay on June 1 with James and Hot Stuff.  He said yes, and filled me in on his analysis of his race.  

He has a lot more running insight than I do, so it was really helpful reading his take on things. At the end of his analysis, he noted that he was now up to 30 miles a week.  Wha???

I replied that probably needed to up my mileage because I had only been running 5 miles on Tuesdays and then 10-13 miles on Sundays. What picked up my spirits was his response...

Mr. Turner: "Wait, you only run two times a week?"

Me: "Yeah, and then whatever we do on Saturdays with the group.  I'm going to start ramping it up a bit more...do a couple of brick workouts during the week."

Mr. Turner: "That makes your time all that more impressive yesterday.  I know that you still get a lot of cardio training with the cycling and swimming, but still to run that on basically three runs a week is fantastic."

Wow! I felt so much better after that exchange...but now, seriously, I need to start getting some more miles in and I have a plan for that:

• Tuesday Night Fleet Feet run: Run to Fleet Feet from my house and then back home after the run.  This should add 3 miles to the run.
• Wednesday: Run before swim practice for an hour. (6-7 miles)
• Off Fridays: Brick workout (need to get some longer rides back on the schedule). (5-8 miles)
• Sunday Long Run: Start to increase the mileage.

Don't Forget About the Hills

Yes, hills continue to terrify me whether I'm on the bike or running. This morning, I got up at 3:15am and got on my bike trainer.  I had put off trying out my latest Spinervals DVD "Hill Climber" until after Avenue of the Vines. Well, this morning was "after", so I did the workout.  Honestly, the workout seemed much easier than any hill I have tried to climb on the bike, but the fact that I was drenched in sweat tells me that it may have been harder than I thought.  

Hopefully I can get Hot Stuff to take me back to Angels Camp one of these days... I really, really, REALLY need to climb that damn hill without stopping.  Once I get that monkey off my back, I will feel so much better. Plus, it is a great place to go for a swim. I think I'll buy Hot Stuff a David Hasselhoff buoy ;-)

Avenue of the Vines 2013 - Race Report

This was my second time running the Avenue of the Vines half marathon.  I did this race for the first time last year with my youngest daughter, Lindsey.  I don't remember much from that race other than I was really hot at the end and I tried to get Lindsey to run on without me but she wouldn't.

We had a good time during that race and mugged for the cameras along the way.  Lindsey kept me entertained with her Dr. Doolittle routine...she would bark, quack, moo, etc. at any animal we came across. Not only was it funny, but it kept other runners away from us.

Me & Lindsey in 2012

Lindsey has been busy with school this year and was unable to train like we did for 4 full weeks last year, so she didn't make it down for the race. I missed having her there, but I had plenty of other crazy people that did sign up for the race.  There were 6 members of Lodi Masters Triathletes signed up for the half (Eric, Rosa, Stephanie, Jordan, Nancy & myself) as well as our assistant to the assistant photographer (Michael Turner). We were also represented on the bicycle as James, Hot Stuff, and Johan lead the fast runners to the finish.

Lodi Masters Triathletes - Pre-Race

Pre-Race

Got up this morning and decided to have two pieces of toast as part of my standard "eggs on toast" race day breakfast. I had a glass of FRS and a cup of coffee too.  I did eat some Skittles on the car ride to Woodbridge winery and at about 6:45am I had a GU and some Gatorade.  The race was delayed and did not start until 7:15am so that threw the GU timing off a bit.

Eric revealed his new Garmin 910XT and mentioned that he got it on sale...6 days after I got mine...NOT on sale!!!  Thankfully, he didn't tell me how much he saved because that may have really messed with my head.  I could have spent the whole race composing my angry letter to REI telling them how I was ripped off. I didn't realize how much he saved until I got home and looked it up...then I flipped out (Not to worry, I took it back and they gave me back $119!).

F'n James

So, F'n James made an appearance this morning before the race.  He casually mentioned that he wanted to see me on the podium. What??? Are you trying to see if you can get me to punch you?  LOL!  I love getting on the podium... nothing makes me happier than to come home with some hardware.  That being said, I am realistic and based on last year's race results, I would have to average a pace that would blow my best 5K pace out of the water.  I'm not sure how these women run that fast, but I can't.  I explained that a podium finish wasn't in the cards for me and refrained from punching my coach ;-) F'n James!  ha ha ha ha ha

Race

I had the playlist on my iPod programmed with some slower songs in the beginning.  They were still songs that mentally got me going, but not the type that would have me running like a crazed fool right out of the gate. I tried to maintain a slower pace (I wanted to run about an 8:45 and ended up closer to 8:20). Mike Turner pulled out ahead of me after mile 1 and I resisted the urge to chase him down.

Not chasing him down was one of the 3 goals I had for this race:

1) Run my own race (don't worry if people pass me)
2) Average a 8:30 pace
3) Stick to my nutrition plan

My nutrition plan included eating the two GU packs I strapped to my race belt as well as keeping properly hydrated.  At last year's race, I don't remember drinking much, this time I actually stopped at the aid stations so I could get the water into my mouth instead of down my shirt. I tried timing my GU's so that I would eat them right before the aid station so I could wash them down with some water.

I eventually caught up with Turner somewhere around mile 8 as he ran head on into the dreaded "wall".  A little while later, Mojo caught up with me.  I knew that was bound to happen sooner or later. As Mojo pulled away from me, I considered walking.

When I'm racing, I don't have the typical angel and a devil on my shoulders.  Instead, I have a super motivated, rah rah person on one side and a quitter on the other.  As soon as Mojo passed me, the quitter started in with "Why don't you just walk?", "Do you know you just got passed by a 50 year old?", "It's really hot out here." Ugh!!!

Luckily the rah rah person woke up and pointed out that my BFF would keep running no matter what.  I didn't need to walk. So I sucked it up and kept going.  I'm glad I did, because Mojo eased up a bit and I was able to catch up with him and follow him in across the finish.

Highlights

I finished this year's race at 1:51.45 (8:32 pace) and was 12th in my age group (sorry James LOL).  I am thrilled with my results.  I never felt winded and finished the race with a smile. Can't wait to do this again at the end of July after swimming 1.2 miles and biking 56 miles.  What was I thinking???