Sidelined by COVID-19

So, last weekend we held a low-key 70th birthday party for HS. In the past we had held surprise parties and funny themed parties for his big milestones, but for this one, he said he just wanted to get together with family. So that's what we did. Little did we know that a theme would develop days after the candles were blown out on his cake.

I'm not going to name any names in this post, everyone is entitled to tell their own stories...so I will keep things very general. To start off, everyone at the party was probably pretty much aware of everyone's vaccination status...we were all family and have gotten together several times during the pandemic. I would say this was probably one of the first get togethers where the virus wasn't a major topic of conversation. Talk of the virus had dropped out of the news and guests chatted about kids in college, retirement plans, aches & pains, and other stuff.

We know 100% for sure who started the chain of events. However, out of our entire family, they are probably two of the most cautious in terms of catching or spreading COVID. They were both vaccinated and boosted. Since they had recently returned from a trip back east, they tested themselves on the Friday before and the Saturday of the party. All their tests were negative. I'm not sure what prompted them to test again on Sunday evening, but when they did, their tests were positive.

I read the"We tested positive" text at 4am Monday morning. I got up and took a test and was relieved to see it was negative. When I got into work that morning, I pulled up my employer's ever changing policy to see what exactly, if anything, I needed to do being that I had a good exposure window on Saturday. I followed the policy and waited for the advice nurse to get back to me four hours later. I was instructed to go home. If I tested negative on Thursday, I could come back. I wouldn't get that far. I tested positive on Tuesday morning.

My test results on Tuesday, started a brief debate with HS. He said you could hardly see the line (I think he was in denial). I told him it didn't matter how dark the line was. Next he said that the line didn't look blue. I told him I didn't think the color mattered. By that afternoon, however, the line was a bold, blue undeniable answer. I had COVID. After two years it had finally caught up with me in my own home.

Back to Monday, HS and I started the awkward task of letting our guests know that they may have been exposed. Over the next couple of days I started hearing back that people were testing positive. We had people that had COVID previously that were also vaccinated and boosted that caught it again. There were some that were never vaccinated that got it. We have had one spouse that caught it but the rest of their household remains in the clear. There seemed to be no rhyme or reason to who got it this time. The good news was that most of the symptoms and their severity were the same regardless of vax status.

Friday morning, I woke up, took a dose of Tylenol Cold medicine and plopped on the couch. I was thankful that Thursday and Friday were "rest" days on my training calendar because I still had hopes of a miraculous recovery that would allow me to compete at the Modesto Marathon this coming Sunday. Previously I had contacted the race director about transferring my entry to the "virtual" marathon, but I really didn't want to do that. I decided that if I took a test and it was negative, or maybe had the lighter results of the first morning, I would hang on and wait. Unfortunately, my test results were quick and definitive. I switched to "virtual" and shed a few tears.

I reminded myself that my main goal of the Modesto Marathon was just to have something to focus on so I would keep in shape until IRONMAN California training started. The entry to Modesto served that purpose. I stayed in shape, dropped about 12 pounds and was feeling pretty healthy and ready to jump into IRONMAN training. Regardless, it is still a huge disappointment not to be able to race. After the 2021 IRONMAN California was canceled at the last minute due to a bomb cyclone, and then a very disappointing finish at CIM due to a injury, I was looking forward to a tiny bit of redemption...just a small boost. Now I will have to wait.

Today, my symptoms feel like a mild annoying cold. I would say the worst I felt was on day 2 and that was mostly due to my headache and the body aches. I am so used to feeling a bit sore all the time from training that I forgot what real body aches felt like. Thankfully, they subsided the next day. Actually, if I want to know how I am going to be feeling today, all I need to do is ask "Patient Zero". They are about one day ahead of me in terms of recovery. 

Since I woke up feeling relatively good, I have decided to forego any cold medicine. My stomach is really getting jacked up from taking them all week (along with the zinc and other vitamins). Plus, I was tired of my head being in a fog. I thought it was the COVID making me feel that way, but I think it was the cold meds.

IRONMAN California (CANCELED) Race Report

Let me start by saying that this will probably be my shortest race report as the inaugural IRONMAN California was canceled due to an historic storm in Sacramento. Lots and lots of much needed rain...

On top of that the wind was crazy strong...

PRE-RACE

This was my third official IRONMAN branded race. Previously, I completed IRONMAN Vineman and IRONMAN Santa Rosa 70.3. So these are the IRONMAN experiences I am comparing IRONMAN California to. IRONMAN California was far above the other two races in terms of organization, staging and communication. I would say the only weak point was parking the morning of the race. 

In order to control the number of athletes at registration, I had to select a time to check-in. I chose Thursday morning between 10am-11am figuring that it would take about an hour and then I could attend the 11am athlete briefing. The whole check-in process was extremely efficient. I was in and out in about 10 minutes! HS and I did a little IRONMAN shopping and then found shelter under a small awning with other athletes waiting for the briefing.

Trying to stay dry as we wait for the athlete briefing

Also during registration, I had to select at time to drop off my bike on Saturday. This was handled by simply choosing a business sized card with an hour time slot. I always worry about how things are going to be handled and what I need to do, this was super easy.

I was glad I waited for the briefing. Although most of the info was available in the athlete guide, there were a few changes that had been made to race day logistics. Due to the predicted rain, wind and cold, the organizers added full changing tents and instructed us to bring our "Swim to Bike" bags to the stadium with our bikes on Saturday. I appreciated the fact that they were willing to make last minute changes.

IRONMAN mask was part of the swag

After checking in on Thursday, we headed back home. I spent the next two days checking the weather and making last minute changes to my gear and spraying Scotchgard on everything that wasn't designated by it's manufacturer as waterproof. I also added a few decorations to my bags. 

Decorated my bags to help me locate

Glad "Press N Seal" worked great protecting my 
saddle and bike bag for the overnight stay in the rain

Saturday afternoon was an easy drive back to the ball field. It was cloudy but dry. I prayed that the weather people were wrong about their forecast for Sunday and that my biggest problem of race day would be ditching unnecessary layers of clothing.

Such a cool place for transition

Bike bagged up and tied to the rack

As I said earlier, the communication for this event was great. Saturday evening, after HS and I had already went to bed, I received the text message below. HS also got a notification on his phone because he was following me on the IRONMAN app. On top of that, I received an email with the same info. Since I was just laying in bed unable to sleep, I saw the phone screens light up. Curiosity got the best of me and I got up to check. 

When I saw that one loop of the ride was being cut, I was a little relieved. I knew that I could easily complete 56 miles, even in the wind (Well, "normal" wind, not what we woke up to LOL). However, I secretly wished it was the swim that was being cut. I was shocked that even after the accident and my fear of riding on the road, I was still more afraid of the swim. At that point, all I could do was climb back in bed and stare at the ceiling.

RACE MORNING

Race morning finally arrived. I got up, fixed some coffee and started dressing for the race. Instead of wearing the Pearl iZUMI tri suit I got in 2018 during my last year as a PI "ambador", I opted for the two piece kit I wore for IRONMAN Vineman. Actually, I was just wearing the shorts and a sports bra for the swim...less wet clothes to deal with. 

As I sipped my coffee, I scrolled through the various IRONMAN California Facebook groups. Some athletes were upset about the ride being shortened but most seemed to accept the change because it was made in the name of safety. I noticed a post about the change in the start time, so I re-read the text from the night before and saw that the start would now be at 7:30am. This was a relief because I had noticed that it was still dark at 7am, the original start time. I really didn't want to swim in the dark.

HS and I adjusted our leave time and I continued getting ready which included another double-check of my remaining gear bags. Since it was now raining heavily, I slathered my legs in baby oil and slipped on my wetsuit up to my waist. The wetsuit would keep me warn and dry until I had to climb into the American River. I then covered my feet in vaseline and slipped on my neoprene booties followed by a pair of shoes. 

The drive from Roseville (staying with my daughter and family) was a bit disconcerting. The wind gusts could be felt as we drove in silence. Neither one of us wanted to mention the fact that the truck was being blown around. How was I going to be able to ride in this. I'm not a very light rider, but I knew I didn't weigh enough to feel stable on the road. I was starting to get panicky about swimming in this kind of weather too.

At the athlete briefing we were assured there was plenty of parking at the ball field (for a $15 fee) and that our support peeps could come and go all day. The weather the morning of the race may have forced more people to drive instead of walk from their hotels because we were at a standstill once we got off of I-5 (we used the J St exit, not sure if that was the best choice, but we weren't alone). 

When we finally made it to the intersection of Tower Bridge Gateway and Riverfront St I told HS that I needed to get out and get to my bike. We had intended to ride the shuttle together to the race start but I was worried that at 6am, I was running out of time. From the athlete entrance it was a winding route down on to the field where the bikes were waiting. HS gave me a kiss, told me he loved me, and I hopped out into the rain and ran across the street. I hoped we would meet up again before the swim start.

The red star marks where I finally got out of the truck

I walked up the area where the blue "Swim to Bike" bags were carefully lined up. I looked for mine and found it on the opposite side of where I was told to place it on Saturday. I tapped the top of the bag to check that my helmet was there and kept moving down to the field. Everything was soaked and the field was getting a bit flooded. Even though the entire field was covered in an interlocking plastic grid, mud and water pressed up with each step, soaking my shoes. 

Photo from one of the IMCA Facebook groups
credit to Bev Raines Hess

I dropped my red "Bike to Run" and grabbed my Gatorade and filled the bladder on my bike. Just then an official sounding voice came over the loudspeakers. At first it sounded like he was just reiterating the info I received in last night's text and email. However, the content had changed. After talking about the severity of the weather, he announced that the race had been canceled. I bent over and grabbed my knees and started to cry. I know there are much more important things in life than a race but I had so much emotionally invested in this endeavor that the announcement was soul crushing in that stormy moment . I stood up and looked at the faces of my fellow athletes. I wasn't alone in my disappointment. 

The announcer instructed us to get our bikes and gear and make our way out of the stadium. At this point, the wheels sort of came off the well oiled machine. The initial instructions said to leave the way we came in. It was like swimming upstream as athletes were still making their way into the stadium. I went through two sets of volunteers that were checking wristbands against the number on the bikes (thankful for that). I asked about my timing chip, but no one seemed to know what to do with them at that point. Just as I got to where the blue "Swim to Bike" bags were, a volunteer was turning people around and telling us to go the other way. 

I made eye contact with a guy on the other side of the railing he asked "What do you need?" and I answered "Can you get bag 631 for me?" He quickly located my bag and handed it to me. I thanked him and turned around and headed back towards the field. Eventually another volunteer opened up a space in the fence and pointed us to an exit. The next thing I knew, I was outside and had no idea where Hot Stuff was and I didn't have my phone.

I hoped he was still waiting in line to get into the parking lot so I walked in that direction. Cars were still lined up. The wind blew my bike around in my hand as I tried to push it with a bag balanced on the aerobars and two in my free hand. I walked the entire perimeter of the stadium before stopping at the entrance where soaked athletes were waiting in line to collect their gear. I scanned the cars driving up the street and the parking lots. It was still dark and the rain and the lights made it impossible to see much. I stood in the rain and waited.

Eventually I decided to change out of my soaked jacket and put on the clothes I had intended to wear on the ride. I had a long sleeve thermal jersey and a waterproof cycling jacket. I stood out in my bright yellow and pink jacket in the dark wet morning. No sign of HS though. 

From behind me I heard a woman ask a volunteer about her timing chip. The volunteer answered that she could take it. I unstrapped the chip from my left ankle and handed it the volunteer and thanked her. I returned to my search for HS. After about 20 minutes I decided to circle the stadium again. Although it was still raining heavily, dawn had started to lighten the sky. I felt like a lost child, too shy to ask to borrow a cell phone. Eventually I saw a familiar shadow coming towards me, I finally found him or more accurately, he found me. He helped me with the bags and opened the back door of the truck as I hoisted the bike quickly inside.

As it turns out, he gave up trying to park and drove to the swim start only to be told that the race was cancelled. He drove back to the stadium, parked, and was able to get down to the field because he had a ticket that allowed him to retrieve my bike for me. This was supposed to happen while I was out on the run, not the morning before the race started. When he found my bike rack (everything is well numbered) he realized I had already been there and was gone. He probably walked past me as I was standing by the entrance looking for him.

Mint condition swim cap and bib

Honestly, there were moments during our drive home that were scary and we were in a 4x4 truck. Every time a gust of wind shook the truck, I was thankful that IRONMAN made the difficult decision to cancel the race.

LOOKING AHEAD

After the rain and my tears subsided, I took some time to reflect on the opportunity I was being given. I went into this race feeling scared and under-prepared. I figured I might do another IRONMAN California some time in the future but 2022 was not in my plans. With the cancellation, it was like I was being handed a do-over. HS seemed to be 100% onboard with 2022 as well :-)

Part of my uncertainty about the race was due to an unspoken level of self sabotage. I had a race weight goal. I made a half-assed attempt and only got half way to my goal. I also knew I should get my bike in to the shop for a tune up because it's been on the trainer for over a year. That didn't happen. I procrastinated until it was too late. I did put new tubes, tires, and a chain on the bike myself, but couldn't bring myself to take it anywhere. I knew I should probably go on one of the group rides or swims on the course, but I stayed home.

Thankfully, my deferral to IRONMAN California 2022 is automatic so I can't do anything to sabotage that. I've already created a new spreadsheet to track my weight race goal. With a little less than a year until the race, there is no reason for me not to meet my goal. I've also decided to do more workouts outside instead of hidden away in my house (See "Tethered By Fear"). I will also break out of my comfort zone and participate in group rides on the race course and practice swims in the river.

First run outside in the books!

On top of that, I am super excited for the new team I joined "IRACELIKEAGIRL". Real triathletes that also have a Zwift presence...for those days I decide to stay inside :-) 

Here's to October 23, 2022! 

PS: I knew there would be more... I will age up in 2022 and although I will 54 at race day, my late December birthday means I will be in the 55-59 age group. This is a welcome surprise because this year my age group was the largest women's group!

Tethered by Fear

In July, my pastor put me in touch with a member of our church who had been hit while riding her bike. She shared some photos and talked about what happened. Her injuries were much worst than mine. We chatted for a while but at the end of our conversation, I seemed to feel worse. This was just another reason for me never to ride on the road again. 

The next weekend, as I pedaled away on my four and a half hour trainer ride, I came up with a catchy titled for a blog post that would justify my fear of the road. I started writing it, but it seemed boring and a little pathetic even to me. I had several paragraphs detailing every accident I had ever been involved in. I wasn't feeling it and I decided to think about what I was trying to say before going any further.

A few weeks later my training calendar reminded me that I was starting the toughest week of training. Roughly 14-1/2 hours of training not counting my daily walks. I rode 132 virtual miles on my bike, ran 22.75 miles on the treadmill, and completed 6,600y of swimming tethered to the pool deck. Swimming was one of the few times I actually ventured outside to do any training.

So, you might be asking yourself why I don't run outside. Well, after the hit and run on my bike, my anxieties seemed to get the better of me. On top of that, posts on Next Door about pit bulls running the street and other scary incidents had me afraid to run around my neighborhood. I was sure I was going to get attacked by something. I was always cautious before, making sure to take off all valuables except my Garmin and to tell HS my route so he could come find me...but there was no amount of caution that would make me feel safe, so I stuck to the treadmill.

September 30th rolled around and I decided that the anniversary of the accident would be the perfect time to finish my long boring blog post about being scared. I read what I had wrote so far and stripped out most of the long detailed paragraphs about car wrecks and bike accidents. It still wasn't any better and honestly, some of the car accidents I had been involved in when I was a kid didn't seem to have the same affect on me as recent ones. It's only been the incidents in the last five years that have me scared of the road.

Damage from the last hit and run.

Just to summarize, in the last five or so years, I have been involved in three hit and runs. Yes, three. Two in my cars, one on my bike. The accidents have left me feeling a little invisible and a bit worthless as a human. How can someone hit you and leave? What has changed in the last several years that make drivers think this is ok? People drive around completely distracted, driving way over the speed limit only, and only appear to think of themselves.

BACK TO MY POST

Back to my unwritten blog post... the bike hit and run anniversary came and went and I decided it was nothing to memorialize with a post. A few days later a triathlete I met before my first "official" IRONMAN was hit by a driver during an organized cycling event (Story Link). The driver fled. Thankfully she wasn't severely injured and the police were able to catch the driver not too long after the incident. I saw her name on the list of participants for IRONMAN California. I hope she makes it to the start line.

TAPER AND PREPARE TO UNTETHER

IRONMAN California is this weekend. As I write this, I have already checked in and there is not much left for me to do. As a triathlon friend once told me, "The hay is in the barn". I tell myself this, but I'm suffering from a bit of imposter syndrome. I'm worried that my "tethered" training isn't going to be enough. On top of that, the weather is going to be horrible. 

Rainy day for check-in and athlete briefing

Rain and wind forecast for race day...

The few IMCA Facebook groups that I follow are all over the place in terms of how to dress for the weather. Early on people talked about layering clothes with items you were willing to discard if the weather warmed/dried up. I kicked around a few options but as the forecast has remained unchanged (other than getting worse), I've decided to swim in an older 2-piece tri kit and then cover it up for the ride with waterproof (PI Dry Fabric) tights and a rain jacket. I've also got gloves and shoe covers. 

Anyone that know me knows I don't tolerate cold well (I have a space heater at work for afternoons when the AC gets too chilly). I would prefer to stay as warm and dry as possible on the ride. Fingers crossed that my choice in clothes works.

Other than that, all of my stuff is double bagged so it stays dry in the gear bags provided. 

Sunday morning will be time to cut the cord and face my fears. Suddenly, riding on the road has taken a backseat to the weather. My goal remains the same...finish the race!

Tri for Fun Super Sprint - Not Really a Race Report

I had one pressing reason for wanting to do the July 10, 2021 Tri for Fun Super Sprint Triathlon. I wanted to see if I could still race. As Hot Stuff and I drove out to Rancho Seco Park, I sat silently in the passenger seat considering my fate as well as taking a few mental notes about the drive for my book. Eventually he broke the silence by telling me “It’s going to be OK”. Obviously sensing my distress and doubt.

Cooling towers in the race logo

“I know” was the only thing I could say. I didn’t want to tell him about my worry over the swim, or how uncomfortable I felt in my tri suit. I didn’t want to tell him that I was afraid of being significantly slower than past races. I had stayed off the scale for the last two days knowing that another increase in my weight would only put me into a mental tailspin.

“It’s going to be over before you know it” was his response.

He was right. Since it was a super sprint, I would more than likely finish in about half an hour. His response made me sad though. Here I was, after competing in triathlons for over 8 years and loving almost every minute of it, dreading a race.

Flashback to My Last Triathlon Season

In 2019 I signed up to do all three of TBF Racing's Tri for Fun Super Sprint triathlons at Rancho Seco Park. I completed the first race at the top of the podium with a time of :27:04.6. I was surrounded by my FREAKSHOW RED teammates and thoroughly enjoyed the racing and camaraderie. 

Good times in 2019 with my
FREAKSHOW RED teammates

I was on my own for the most part at the second race since several members were doing the Death Ride. I have a strict policy about doing any races with the word "Death" in the title.

Unfortunately, at this second race in the series, I got a flat tire on my bike. I must have picked up something on my short warmup ride. I didn't realize the tire was flat until I finished the swim and made my way back to transition.  When I went to change the tube I found that I packed a tube with a short stem and not one that would work with my 50mm wheels. I packed up my stuff and went home. My very first DNF. I chalked it up to a learning experience. 

There was still the third race in August. At this third and final race, I finished second in my age group with a time of :27:28.7. I had no idea that this would be my last tri for a long while.

After that, I switched gears to marathon training but ended up pulling out of the 2019 CIM due to a nagging knee injury. There would be more races I told myself. It was the first time that I pulled out of a race due to an injury. I turned my focus to the 2020 IRONMAN Santa Rosa 70.3 in May and started training.

And then COVID hit.

I kept training and hoping that the race would proceed. It was going to be a comeback race. A makeup for my less-than-optimal performance at the first IRONMAN Santa Rosa 70.3 in 2017. It was also going to be my first race out on the road after the hit-and-run.

The race was postponed and then eventually cancelled. I signed up for a virtual “Iron” challenge put on by TBF Racing that summer and then in August started training for the 2020 CIM. As the weeks went by and the training miles increased, I would check for race updates daily. Sometime in late September it was announced that the December marathon was canceled.  I signed up for a virtual “marathon” event that would at least keep me somewhat focused but eventually I dropped down to the half marathon option. Virtual competition just wasn’t the same.

Prior to CIM being officially canceled, I had contacted IRONMAN and asked if I could use my Santa Rosa 70.3 entry fee to sign up for the 2021 IRONMAN California. This race had always been part of my original  "comeback” plan. Do the 2020 Santa Rosa 70.3 to get back into distance racing and judge how I was going to handle racing on the road. If all went well, I would then sign up for the 2021 inaugural IRONMAN California.

Once the 2020 IRONMAN Santa Rosa 70.3 was canceled I was given a few race options that I could roll my entry to, but none of the races offered appealed to me either because they included an ocean swim or hundreds of miles of travel. I figured it wouldn’t hurt to ask about IMCA. After I submitted my request, I received a response saying that I could roll my entry to IMCA as long as I paid the difference. I was in!

During the months between the cancellation of CIM and the start of training for IRONMAN California, I languished at home. The depression of COVID was real and on top of that, I was battling the unfair and often cruel effects of menopause. Insomnia, brain fog, lack of energy, and weight gain. Seemingly uncontrollable weight gain. 

Weight Gain

As someone that has always struggled with my weight, menopause weight gain is going to drive me completely insane. No matter what I did or do, the scale still seems to creep upwards. At first, I blamed it on COVID and being stuck at home with nothing to do but bake bread and drink wine. However, when I went back to diets and nutrition plans that had always worked in the past, I found, to my horror, that nothing seemed to work.

I tried intermittent fasting…weight went up. I tried keto…weight went up. I gave up wine for Lent…weight went up. I started my IRONMAN training…weight still went up!!! OMG! Friends would try and tell me that I was just gaining muscle. Uh…no. There is no way that I’ve gained that much muscle. Not 20+ pounds of muscle.

I want to look like this again...appx 145 lbs

Yes, I just said twenty+ pounds. That is the difference between my desired race weight (above) for IRONMAN California and my current weight (as of Monday, July 12). On Saturday morning, when I put on my FREAKSHOW RED triathlon kit, I felt like a stuffed sausage. I mean the kits are always snug, but not uncomfortably so like it was race morning. I wanted to fake an injury and stay home. 

The only thing that got me in the truck was knowing that I was signed up to do a full IRONMAN in about 3 months. If I fell apart before a super sprint, I would not be mentally ready for the big race. I needed to do this.

Back to Race Day 

So, back to race day morning. I still got that queasy feeling as soon as the cooling towers came into sight. I don’t think that will ever change. We drove into the familiar park and I was amazed at all of the solar panels. So much had changed since the last time I was there. We pulled up to a long line of cars at the entrance kiosk and HS started fussing about how long it was taking. Another thing that will probably never change.

We parked the truck and took out my road bike and triathlon bag. I made sure to pack the correct tubes this time so I already felt like a winner.

I checked in at registration and was handed my yellow swim cap and race numbers. The lady asked if I had raced there before and I said “Yes”. She smiled and said “Then you know what to do with all of this.”

I eagerly agreed and turned to go set up my transition area. I looked at the race bib, wetsuit tag and helmet sticker in my hand and briefly panicked about what to do with them. I felt like a fraud. I took a deep breath and reminded myself what everything was and were it went.

I set up my transition area just like I always did. My hot pink towel tucked just below my rear wheel. Since I brought my road bike instead of my triathlon bike, I hung my helmet off of the handle bars instead of balanced on the aerobars but other than that my setup was the same. My nerves were still wound tight and there was over half an hour until the race started. I asked HS if he wanted to go for a walk.

We ended up walking the entire one mile run course. He told me it was OK if I wanted to run part of the course to warm up and I said walking was fine. I also opted not to do a warmup ride on my bike. I didn't want to risk getting another flat.

My BBF’s daughter was going to be racing in the Sprint race that morning, so I kept an eye out for some familiar faces, hoping to say “Hi” before my race started. I finally spied them over by check-in and went over. HS joined us before I had to go get in the water. I had to make some some attempt at a swim warm up (Coach James always in my head) even if it meant just getting my face wet and blowing some bubbles.

Swim

Since COVID and the permanent closure of the gym pool as well as the loss of use of the high school pool by the tri club, my swimming had amounted to 4-5 times in the past two weeks using my new swim tether. I entered the lake and was quite pleased with the temperature. The recent heat wave had the water at an ideal temp for a quick (hopefully) 200y swim. A mere 4,000 yards less than my upcoming IRONMAN swim.

I swam around briefly and went to stand with the other yellow caps. When instructed to line up at the start, I ducked under the buoy rope that separated the kid's beach swim area and the wide open waters, and tried to find my place in the pack. I can’t remember ever being in the first wave at a race. Normally the “old lady” group is one of the last to start. This morning, the 40+ men and women as well as the Clydesdale and Athena racers would be starting first.

I did my normal surveying of my competitors to try and decide who was going to beat me. Normally it was easy to tell because they would be clamoring to get up to the front of the pack. There were one a few people up at the front and one of them was telling everyone he wasn’t a fast swimmer. I figured I would stay put and hope that the fast people behind me were kind and wouldn’t try and drown me as they swam over the top of me.

It crossed my mind that my added fat layer would help me float but that idea was dashed when the realist in me reminded me that the extra fat was also going to have to ride and run.

The waiting was the worst. I just wanted the race to start so it could be over. Just finish so you know what you need to work on or at least be able to decide if you want to keep doing this.

As soon as the start was announced, I started the timer on my Garmin and began to swim. Two of the swimmers in front of me blocked by path and I found myself touching their feet for the first several strokes before one of the swimmers moved to the right.

In the water, the buoys seemed much farther part than they looked from the beach. I just kept swimming as I felt my arms start to fatigue. As I kept going, I realized it wasn’t fatigue, it was just the after affects of the adrenaline rush from the race start. This was sort of a relief because I realized that I felt pretty good. The swimmer on my left was a bit off course and I could hear the people in the kayaks yelling for him to go around the buoy (he was on course to cut on the inside). The swimmer on my right seemed to have  switched to breaststroke and I soon passed him.

Before I knew it, I saw the swimmer in front stand up and exit the water. I looked down and realized I was also in standing depth water. I stood up and fished out the wetsuit tag thinking that I had to tear it off and hand it to someone. The race volunteer indicated that it was unnecessary, so I stepped onto the sandy beach and started to jog up to transition.

As I ran, I stripped off my goggles and cap. I wanted to walk but begged myself to just keep going. It was way too soon to start walking.

Bike

Transition was quick and efficient. I fumbled a bit with my helmet, still not adept at disconnecting and connecting the new fangled magnetic clip but eventually I got it strapped on my head. I jogged my bike over to the bike mount line and hopped on. As I pedaled off I could hear the announcer saying I was first out of transition.

What? No way. 

I started pedaling a little quicker, slowing only to get over the several speed bumps on the road out of the park. As I pedaled on, I listened for the sound of a bike coming up behind me. I remembered hearing the pros during Barb’s Race passing me on their second lap of their full Vineman race. The wind thumping sound of solid disk wheels chasing you down and blowing by you is stained in my memory. This morning was silent.

This is what 165ish pounds looks like. You can definitely see it around my 
middle where from what I have read is where menopause weight goes
...it's a retirement community for fat.

I started to panic wondering if I had gone too far. I had never been a lead rider. I was always guaranteed to have faster men out in front leading the way. My panic subsided when I saw the photographer at the turn around along with a handful of race volunteers. I navigated the turn and started back to transition. Towards the top of the slight climb from the turn I saw a group of three racers. I thought it was two women and a man but I couldn’t be sure. My mind switched to feeling chased. They knew where I was and how far they had to go to catch me.

Run

I finished up my safe, in park, four-mile ride and rolled back into transition. By this point I had completely screwed up my Garmin timing. The overall time would be right, but I had forgotten to change sports in transition so I knew things were goofy. As I ran out of transition and out on to the run course I heard the announcer say my name. He mentioned that I was the lead person out of the first wave (or something like that LOL).

This simple statement reminded me that even though I was in front there technically could be faster competitors from the other wave. This planted a little seed of doubt that I had to fight for the rest of the race.

As soon as I left the grassy area of the park and headed out to the dirt trail, the heat of the morning was evident, and it wasn’t that hot yet. Immediately I wanted to start walking. Why push yourself when you know you aren’t going to win? Is the pain worth it? You could probably start walking and still win your age group.

About a quarter of the way into the run, I heard footsteps behind me. Ok, here it is. Some chick is going to pass me and then I can walk. However, it was just a very fit man running effortlessly across the dirt and gravel. I felt sluggish and out of shape. My running never looks or feels like that. I plodded along convincing myself that slow running is still faster than walking.

At the turn around I got a look at a few more male runners closing in. No female yet.  I wondered how much time was between the waves. 3 minutes? 5 minutes? If I saw a female in the next few minutes she could still finish with a faster time than me. I was working hard to not entertain the idea of winning overall female. That’s crazy talk. Besides, walking would feel really good right now.

With less than half a mile to go, I reminded myself that at the most it was less than 5 minutes. Less than 300 seconds. With all my time spent on the bike trainer and treadmill, I have gotten really quick at converting minutes to seconds. I do this when time seems to stand still. Seconds tick by much faster than miles or minutes.

I eventually saw a female and I didn’t think it was one of the women I saw on the bike. She had to be from the later wave. I turned back on to the grassy area and could finally see the finish line arch. It seemed so far away and I was so tired and nauseous. I pushed a bit harder knowing that the extra effort would end my suffering a little sooner.

Relief washed over me as I crossed the finish line. It may not have been the longest or the hardest race, but mentally, it was one of the toughest. I was so glad it was over. I walked over to a volunteer by the orange Igloo jugs and gladly accepted a cup of water.

Post Race

After I had a chance to cool off, I changed out of my race gear in to looser clothing that was not a constant reminder of my increased size. I splashed some water on my face to wash off the dirt and sweat and went to join HS and our friends. We had some catching up to do and their daughter had opted to do the longer race that morning, so we would have plenty of time.

Once the announcer said that initial results were posted, I walked over to the shade of the results tent. Several racers were huddled around the table. A few were trying to snap photos of the results so they could review them away from all the activity. I walked around to the back side of the table and craned my neck to get a peek. Things were a bit blurry but I found my name fifth from the top. I tried reading the names but found it easier to check another column that noted either M or F. I was the first F on the list with a time of :27:01.5, a new PR!

I was floored! When I started the day, my main goal was to finish and not embarrass myself or HS. I was hoping to finish with a decent time that wasn’t to far off from previous efforts. I was prepared to credit a slower time with my additional weight. I was not prepared to win overall female in spite of the extra  pounds.

 

This is not what I expected when I left the house 
this morning

Following the race, I started considering the implications for IRONMAN California. First and foremost is my weight. I am happy to know that I haven’t lost any speed. However, going into an IRONMAN race with all of those extra pounds is not something I want to do. I want to do this race knowing that I have done everything in my power to get ready. 

I went through previous blog posts and noted complaints of an extra 20 pounds. However, it turned out that those 20 were based on a much lower desired race weight. A weight that may have been a little too aggressive. This time I'm shooting for something that should be attainable, or at least it was in the past.

My weight seems so out of control and erratic that my only option now is to turn it all over to God and pray for his strength. It's the one thing that has worked in the past that I haven't tried again...but that's a longer story best saved for another day.