True Confessions

CONFESSION WARM-UP

Here is an easy confession...my Boston Marathon sucked. If I am being 100% honest with myself, I didn't approach the race with the proper attitude. 

Yes, I was injured but I wonder if my injury was more of a symptom of my lack of focus and caring. I will probably never know. I can say that while I did remain consistent with my training, I was not very consistent with my nutrition and other habits that I maintained last year leading up to IRONMAN California.

Just happy to be done

Last year, I started the year with Dry January and then almost immediately began the 75 Hard Challenge which included among other things such as two workouts a day, daily photos, 10 minutes of motivational reading, lots of water, and no alcohol. The summer came and went as my training increased. When September rolled around I decided to skip alcohol again until after the race. I also focused on sleep and being consistent with my supplements. And it worked. I had a great race and I recovered quickly and completed CIM with a PR. Then I took a three week break and everything changed.

CONFESSION - SOMETHING WAS OFF

I took the three weeks off because I had read about how important it was to give your body a break. It was perfect timing with the holidays and by the time it was over, I was ready to start training for Boston. I found a Boston specific training plans and was chomping at the bit to get going.

However, once I started training, things seemed off. My motivation waned and my energy level was in the gutter. Could three weeks of not training as well as three weeks of unrestrained holiday eating and drinking be the culprit? I had no clue.

January was once again "dry", but physically it didn't seem to help. I dragged myself through the 30k Jed Smith and then switched to an "easier" (less mileage) training plan. I started blaming menopause, weight gain, anything I could think of that could be causing my apparent decline.

With Boston behind me, I switched my focus to IRONMAN California and told myself things would get better.

CONFESSION - SOMETHING STILL FEELS OFF

Three weeks ago I was ready to give up. I was mentally fatigued and questioning whether or not I wanted to do IRONMAN California. I had signed up for the race as soon as registration opened because I was still flying high after my 2024 finish. This year, after the race, I need someone to take my computer and phone away at least until the "high" wears off. The finish line is so intoxicating and the week following the race, reading all the posts and looking at the pictures just makes me want to do it again. 

I need to remember how crappy I am feeling right now!

In fact, I need to add personal notes to my workouts in Training Peaks so I will not romanticize the training process. 

"Run felt OK, HR stayed in newly updated zones. Started crying in the shower for no reason other than feeling broke down, sore, and tired."

Yes, there were tears in the shower because an 11 mile run kicked my butt. My ankle is stiff and tight every morning and if I don't move around enough I hobble around. However, it is no where near as sore as it was in Boston so I don't want to use it as an excuse. 

CONFESSION - I WAS GOING TO SETTLE

After the 2024 IMCA race, I realized I missed a roll down slot by one position. In my mind, knowing that the women would be racing in France in 2026 and that there were more slots allotted for the French course, I figured I would sign up one more time and go to the World Championships (if I had another race result like 2024).

Maybe this contributed to my lack of enthusiasm for 2025 and all of the training. I knew in my heart that racing in France was a concession. It wasn't what I truly wanted. I wanted to go to Kona. 

On top of that, I had Boston still on my mind. I had finally made it to the race I had wanted for so long and it turned out to be a stressful, expensive, disappointing experience. Traveling to France to race would probably be much, much worse. Why was I doing this? 

Then IRONMAN changed a few things. First, there would be no more split World Championships. In 2026, both men and women would be racing on one day in Kona. Second, the slot allocations would be changing. There would be one slot allotted for each age group and it would roll down only as far as the third position. If no one took the slot, it would be "allocated to the overall ‘Performance Pool’ of qualifying slots that will then be offered to the next-most competitive athletes at the same event." I now wonder how this would have affected by chances last year. At this point in time, of course, it doesn't really matter.

CONFESSION - I DON'T KNOW IF I EVEN WANT KONA

Even if by some miracle I qualify for Kona, I have a strong doubt I even want to go any more. Could this be why I can't seem to finish my book which is based on someone that really wants to go? 

After Boston, I have serious doubts about my "bucket list" races. Races that have become so big in my mind, more than what they actually are...a race, an event, another day on the calendar. In fact, I have been struggling with the idea that I even want to race period. This year, besides Boston, I have done one other race, the Jed Smith Ultra Classic (another disappointment). I am beginning to wonder if the race itself is just a means I use to stay in shape.

CONFESSION - I REALLY DON'T FEEL LIKE RACING

I love training. I love having a calendar to follow and a plan for the day. I seriously believe that if I didn't have some long, crazy race planned I would be planted on the couch eating potato chips and watching TV.  So far this year, I have only done two races, one of which was Boston. I have no intention, or desire, to do a "B" race leading up to IRONMAN California. I just want to get IMCA over and done with. This is not a good feeling.

At this point, I feel like I just sign up for races so I race a reason to train and to be honest, I don't really like feeling this way. Going to a race by myself is not much fun. I miss my tri team. I miss having a training group. My one glimmer of hope was when HS decided to sign up for CIM this year and mentioned maybe qualifying for Boston. The idea of a training and travel partner that would actually be doing the race made my heart happy. 

Terrible phone shadow, but I was so happy to be out training together