IRONMalaise

I was going to write something about nine weeks ago...this is as far as I got.

So, last October, my attempt at a redemption race that would put me back on the road was sidelined by a bomb cyclone. Ironically, after that deluge of rain, California has been pretty dry. I am about eleven weeks from the event that was canceled last year and I am struggling.  

Just a bit of rain in 2021

And that was the end of that post. Actually, I can't call it a post because I didn't post it. I just left the words to stagnate in draft status. The sad thing is that I used to really enjoy writing my blog. This year, though, something is definitely different. 

Last week was the IRONMAN World Championships in Kona. Something that I used to dream about being able to do. Normally, I would be devouring all the posts and photos about the competitors and their bikes and the race. This year I found myself scrolling by with out even much of a pause. I have even less interest in the race I am supposed to do in about 2 weeks and this is causing concern. The Facebook posts about IRONMAN California seem to cause me a lot of anxiety, so I've been trying to avoid looking at those too.

Back to this post, I was going to start off by saying I am struggling with a feeling of malaise, but since I wanted to make sure I was using the term correctly, I looked it up. 

The dictionary definition says:

ma·laise

/məˈlāz/

Learn to pronounce

noun

a general feeling of discomfort, illness, or uneasiness whose exact cause is difficult to identify.

"a general air of malaise"

The definition didn't seem to exactly fit how I was feeling but it seemed close so I kept looking until I found something on WebMD. 

"If you have a sense of malaise, you may not feel quite right, but you might be hard-pressed to put your fingers on exactly what's bothering you. It's not a condition, but a set of symptoms linked to some other problem. When you're in the grip of it, you might have fatigue, pain, and a lack of interest in your usual activities."

Ok, here's my list of symptoms:

• Uneasiness - CHECK (I have an IRONMAN in two weeks!)
• Fatigue - CHECK  (I have an IRONMAN in two weeks!)
• Pain - CHECK  (I have an IRONMAN in two weeks!)
• Lack of interest in usual activities - CHECK (But I have no idea why.)

The last symptom is the one that bothers me the most. What happened to my interest in training? What happened to my interest in triathlons? What happened to my interest in writing my book?

My triathlon based novel has gone untouched for several weeks

These are all things I used to enjoy and now it's all I can do just to get through a workout. I think I'm mentally worn down from basically two years of training and no reward. After last year's race was canceled due to the weather, I switched gears to running for a few months and that helped take my mind off of triathlon training. Eventually, I restarted my IRONMAN training plan and was less than enthused. 

ILLNESS & INJURY

Of course, during this second round of IRONMAN California training, I caught COVID and was down for a bit (I completed a post about my COVID experience but never posted it. LOL It is now posted HERE). The marathon I was training for had to be done virtually because I was still testing positive. 

Then in June I managed to break my pinky toe which kept me from running for a bit (I did put in a lot more time on the bike trainer though).

Last but not least, with only three weeks to go, I stepped of a curb, twisted my ankle and foot and somehow managed to scrape up the top, bottom and side of one hand. The hand looked worse in the beginning, but the foot definitely felt worse. I've been moving my workouts around to buy me a little more time before I attempt running again but there is still a noticeable pain in the arch of my foot and sometimes my ankle. It's not like I'm going to set any records on the run, but I am prepared for a much slower than normal pace.

Slightly swollen

LOOKING FORWARD

Ok, so I am now a few days closer to race day because I couldn't find the enthusiasm to finish this post until today, October 12, 2022...ten years and five days since I completed my very first triathlon, the Golden State Triathlon. Coincidentally, the swim at the Golden State was in the American River just down stream from the start of IRONMAN California. 

On the bike at the 2012 Golden State Triathlon

So, I've done some soul searching and have decided to make finishing and enjoying the race my #1 and #2 goals. I am abandoning any unrealistic goals such as beating either of my previous IRONMAN finish times. Let's be real,  I was 6-7 years younger and several pounds lighter. On top of that, I have no idea what my fitness level truly is. With the illness and injuries and altered training I have no idea what to expect.

Looking for that finish line high one more time!

Here is what I hope to accomplish in order to consider this race a success:

1) Finish 💪

2) Have fun 😁 (Better be smiling in the race photos!)

3) Don't freak out on the bike 😱 (Proving myself on the bike is the reason I signed up for this race).

4) Sub 13:00 hour finish time 👌

Here's looking forward to great weather and an even better race report!