True Confessions

CONFESSION WARM-UP

Here is an easy confession...my Boston Marathon sucked. If I am being 100% honest with myself, I didn't approach the race with the proper attitude. 

Yes, I was injured but I wonder if my injury was more of a symptom of my lack of focus and caring. I will probably never know. I can say that while I did remain consistent with my training, I was not very consistent with my nutrition and other habits that I maintained last year leading up to IRONMAN California.

Just happy to be done

Last year, I started the year with Dry January and then almost immediately began the 75 Hard Challenge which included among other things such as two workouts a day, daily photos, 10 minutes of motivational reading, lots of water, and no alcohol. The summer came and went as my training increased. When September rolled around I decided to skip alcohol again until after the race. I also focused on sleep and being consistent with my supplements. And it worked. I had a great race and I recovered quickly and completed CIM with a PR. Then I took a three week break and everything changed.

CONFESSION - SOMETHING WAS OFF

I took the three weeks off because I had read about how important it was to give your body a break. It was perfect timing with the holidays and by the time it was over, I was ready to start training for Boston. I found a Boston specific training plans and was chomping at the bit to get going.

However, once I started training, things seemed off. My motivation waned and my energy level was in the gutter. Could three weeks of not training as well as three weeks of unrestrained holiday eating and drinking be the culprit? I had no clue.

January was once again "dry", but physically it didn't seem to help. I dragged myself through the 30k Jed Smith and then switched to an "easier" (less mileage) training plan. I started blaming menopause, weight gain, anything I could think of that could be causing my apparent decline.

With Boston behind me, I switched my focus to IRONMAN California and told myself things would get better.

CONFESSION - SOMETHING STILL FEELS OFF

Three weeks ago I was ready to give up. I was mentally fatigued and questioning whether or not I wanted to do IRONMAN California. I had signed up for the race as soon as registration opened because I was still flying high after my 2024 finish. This year, after the race, I need someone to take my computer and phone away at least until the "high" wears off. The finish line is so intoxicating and the week following the race, reading all the posts and looking at the pictures just makes me want to do it again. 

I need to remember how crappy I am feeling right now!

In fact, I need to add personal notes to my workouts in Training Peaks so I will not romanticize the training process. 

"Run felt OK, HR stayed in newly updated zones. Started crying in the shower for no reason other than feeling broke down, sore, and tired."

Yes, there were tears in the shower because an 11 mile run kicked my butt. My ankle is stiff and tight every morning and if I don't move around enough I hobble around. However, it is no where near as sore as it was in Boston so I don't want to use it as an excuse. 

CONFESSION - I WAS GOING TO SETTLE

After the 2024 IMCA race, I realized I missed a roll down slot by one position. In my mind, knowing that the women would be racing in France in 2026 and that there were more slots allotted for the French course, I figured I would sign up one more time and go to the World Championships (if I had another race result like 2024).

Maybe this contributed to my lack of enthusiasm for 2025 and all of the training. I knew in my heart that racing in France was a concession. It wasn't what I truly wanted. I wanted to go to Kona. 

On top of that, I had Boston still on my mind. I had finally made it to the race I had wanted for so long and it turned out to be a stressful, expensive, disappointing experience. Traveling to France to race would probably be much, much worse. Why was I doing this? 

Then IRONMAN changed a few things. First, there would be no more split World Championships. In 2026, both men and women would be racing on one day in Kona. Second, the slot allocations would be changing. There would be one slot allotted for each age group and it would roll down only as far as the third position. If no one took the slot, it would be "allocated to the overall ‘Performance Pool’ of qualifying slots that will then be offered to the next-most competitive athletes at the same event." I now wonder how this would have affected by chances last year. At this point in time, of course, it doesn't really matter.

CONFESSION - I DON'T KNOW IF I EVEN WANT KONA

Even if by some miracle I qualify for Kona, I have a strong doubt I even want to go any more. Could this be why I can't seem to finish my book which is based on someone that really wants to go? 

After Boston, I have serious doubts about my "bucket list" races. Races that have become so big in my mind, more than what they actually are...a race, an event, another day on the calendar. In fact, I have been struggling with the idea that I even want to race period. This year, besides Boston, I have done one other race, the Jed Smith Ultra Classic (another disappointment). I am beginning to wonder if the race itself is just a means I use to stay in shape.

CONFESSION - I REALLY DON'T FEEL LIKE RACING

I love training. I love having a calendar to follow and a plan for the day. I seriously believe that if I didn't have some long, crazy race planned I would be planted on the couch eating potato chips and watching TV.  So far this year, I have only done two races, one of which was Boston. I have no intention, or desire, to do a "B" race leading up to IRONMAN California. I just want to get IMCA over and done with. This is not a good feeling.

At this point, I feel like I just sign up for races so I race a reason to train and to be honest, I don't really like feeling this way. Going to a race by myself is not much fun. I miss my tri team. I miss having a training group. My one glimmer of hope was when HS decided to sign up for CIM this year and mentioned maybe qualifying for Boston. The idea of a training and travel partner that would actually be doing the race made my heart happy. 

Terrible phone shadow, but I was so happy to be out training together

75 Hard Challenge - Week 1 Wrap-Up

Last week BFF (aka Spell Checker) introduced me to the 75 Hard Challenge. After successfully completing 6 days (I stumbled and started day 1 over) I can honestly say that I believe this challenge was an answer to my prayers. Thank you again, BFF!!!

Of course, many people may look at this challenge and say that it is arbitrary and stupid and there is no reason to do it or even stick with it, but I say they are wrong. Yes, it's not a training plan that you are compelled to stick with so you can cross the finish line of a race or get a PR at an event. It's not a diet promising miracle weight loss. It is a mental challenge. A toughness challenge. A hard challenge.

I believe I was introduced to this challenge for a reason and it is in my heart to complete it. I am very pleased with my progress and I am excited to see the changes over the remaining 69 days.

Adding a Post-it every night before bed

Difference of Opinion

Since Saturday afternoon (Day 5) was set to be busy and because we were hosting a Super Bowl party on Sunday, I decided to switch my long run to Saturday morning (still have races to train for). We walked the dogs and after we got home, I changed clothes and headed out on my run. Two things disqualified my walk from the challenge:

1) It was less than 45 minutes

2) It was done right before the run.

Note: There is a lot of conflicting info on the two workouts rule. I have been operating with the belief that they have to be separate and distinct, with a break in between, and at least one of the workouts has to be outside. I have read Reddit posts from people saying the workouts have to have a 3 hour separation. Here is the wording for Task 2 from Andy Frisella's website...

Nothing about the time between workouts
https://andyfrisella.com/blogs/articles/what-is-75-hard

So, when we got home Saturday evening after two appointments in Stockton, I climbed on the trainer and did a 45 minute ride in Zwift. It wasn't a programmed workout or anything too hard, but is was separate and it was the full 45 minutes.

Of course, HS found this to be irritatingly stupid. Why didn't I just walk longer in the morning? You ran for over two hours, isn't that enough? Most people don't run that long. Why not count the run as two workouts?

I tried explaining the rules of the challenge but was just met with more of the same queries. At the Super Bowl party, he even tried to get BFF's opinion on me not counting my run as two workouts. I think he was hoping to get her to admit I was being too strict about the rules. She may think I'm crazy, but she is the last person to ask about me sticking with something. Besides, this whole thing is her fault LOL!

Out of all my answers to the questions asked, I think the most telling was about who was tracking the challenge. The person tracking this is me. This matters to ME! I could cheat the rules (as I understand them) but I would know. I would want to start over. Everyone has different reasons, goals, measurements for this challenge (just check Reddit if you don't believe me) I am sticking to mine and only mine.

Weekly workout summary

Yes, I could count a short workout or say my 2 hour run is twice as long as two separate 45 minute workouts, but in my heart I will have known I haven't followed the challenge. I went to bed Saturday night, tired but feeling proud of my accomplishment. The job got done no matter what and I controlled what I could control (when and where I did my workout and what the workout was). This is the whole point.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Good: I consider myself a reader and I generally love books. However, I usually lean towards fiction or books about how to write a book. I have never been really into motivational, self-help books (unless you count the Bible). When I started 75 Hard, I was fortunate enough to have a book on my shelf ready to go, "Never Finished" by David Goggins. The challenge calls for reading 10 pages a day, I finished the book in 4 days. It was a great read and I could feel it stirring the embers of wanting more from myself. If you are doing the challenge, this is a MUST READ!

Must read!

Good: Weight loss. Although this is not a weight loss challenge or diet, I have lost 3.8 pounds since last Monday.

Bad: I wouldn't say it's entirely bad, but I struggle with the whole gallon of water. Yes, I am drinking the full 120 oz. plus a little extra, but I have a hard time drinking consistently throughout the day. If I could just sip a little every now and then, I wouldn't end up gulping an insane amount right before bed. This is something I hope to improve this week.

Ugly: The only ugliness was Day 1 (the first one). I failed on the workout timing and on the drinking water so I owned up to my shortcomings and decided to start over the next day. This was fairly easy with only 24 hours wasted and I wonder if I would be so willing if I was 61 or 71 days into the challenge. Honestly, if it's day 71, I'm drinking the gallon of water even if I'm about to put my head on my pillow ;-)

This Week

I am looking forward to settling in to the challenge as I sit here sipping my water. 

The book I am reading now is called "Atomic Habits" by James Clear and I will probably be looking for a new read by the end of the week. This book is almost just as interesting as "Never Finished" and I am learning so much about how both good and bad habits are formed. I think 75 Hard is giving me the opportunity to work on my habits and hopefully create new healthy ones by the time the challenge is over.

While reading about habit stacking and temptation bundling, I have decided that writing/working on my book needs to be factored in somewhere. I'm trying to decide on timing and location so I won't have any built in excuses or stumbling blocks. I think I will work on my book for 30 minutes after lunch in the living room. 

Today is off to a good start...time to go take my daily progress pic :-)

75 Hard Challenge - Day 1 (Take 2)

Well, let me start by saying I am thankful that I screwed up on Day 1 and not Day 74 because if you are familiar with this challenge, if you mess up, you start over! 

Looking forward to adding 74 more Post-Its!

I think my biggest mistake was diving in head first without a clear plan. I had decided to follow the Mediterranean Diet and to stay gluten free (just because I thought that would help me lose weight). In my shopping haste, I picked up a pack of mint double-stuff Oreo cookies because they were gluten free. And I don't even like Oreos!!! I think I panicked about the thought of not having any sweets along with the whole "no alcohol" thing. I ate three of the cookies last night and stopped, figuring that was a victory of some sorts, although it clearly wasn't following the Mediterranean Diet. Fail!

My next mistake was realizing that I had probably only drank about 30 oz. of the required 128 oz. I then tried some fancy math and started adding the partial cans of sparkling water and then my coffee to try and bring my total intake up, and I still wasn't even close. I grabbed a glass and was going to start pounding water right before bed before decided that I didn't want to be up all night going to the bathroom. I resigned myself to starting the challenge over in the morning. Lesson learned.

Starting Over

This morning, before I got out of bed, I popped in my Air Pods and listened to Andy Frisella's podcast about Hard 75. If you are considering this challenge, I recommended listening to this first. Andy is the creator of Hard 75 and he explains that this isn't a diet challenge it is a mental challenge. He also explains the rules in more detail than you will get from a quick Internet search.  

Link to Episode #208

As I said, I am thankful I figured this out after only a day. 

Weight Loss Math: Getting to 150

Throughout the years, I have occasionally posted about my disappointment in the numbers on my scale...numbers I would love to see right now. Sadly, I have never been as disappointed as I was yesterday morning. I had successfully ignored what my clothes had been telling me for weeks and now my new goal weight is a number that used to freak me out! 

This is from January 2014:

I would be ecstatic if I weighed 150 now!!!

Link to Original Post

Barb's Race 2014 = 142

IRONMAN Vineman 70.3 2017 = 152

Extra 10 pounds from Barb's Race

Sometimes Subtraction Doesn't Work

My smart scale has a good memory. Hopefully, next week's chart will show a downward trend.
148 (March 2022) to 165 (February 2023)

Looking at the chart above, I know that some of the weight gain can be attributed to changes in training. Training reduction to be specific. 

Early last year, I was in training for the Modesto Marathon and I was trying to get to my goal weight of 145. I was getting close to my goal and raceday when I caught Covid and had to cut back on my training. I ended up doing a virtual race on my treadmill. 

After my 26.2 mile torture session, I switched to full on IRONMAN training and completed IRONMAN California at the end of October. I wasn't happy about my weight at that point, but looking back, it was still about 10 pounds less than I am right now.  After IMCA, I dropped the swimming and cycling and just did running workouts so I could complete CIM in the beginning of December. Once I crossed the finish line of the marathon, my training ended.

Obviously, I was burning enough calories with my training to compensate for my bad eating habits and once my training ended, the weight quickly and easily added up.

Addition for Subtraction

Three weeks ago I signed up for a half marathon at the end of April. Now that I was once again committed to a race, I picked a training plan. I wanted to pick a more advanced plan with the idea that I have done this distance a number of times, but I decided to accept the fact that I was not in the kind of shape I should be and chose a "novice" plan. 

I'll be the first to admit that I was shocked when I struggled at my first three mile run. It felt much harder than I thought it should be, but I told myself it would get better.

Progress has been slow and steady

There have been a few other things I've added to my daily routine since signing up. First, went back to waking up and drinking a glass of water. Why drink water first thing? Well, I've read a lot of different reasons over the years. Here's a link to an article that summarizes most of them. ("Should You Drink Water First Thing in the Morning?") There is probably some truth to most of them but the reason I started doing it again is because it is something I used to do when I was at a better weight. It was also something I could easily add back to my routine and feel some sort of success.

The third week of my training I added back Bulletproof Coffee. I had drifted away from just drinking black coffee and had been adding half and half to every cup. Unfortunately, half and half does not have the same affect as Bulletproof. The lazy side of me would prefer to just pop open a container instead of dieting a blender every morning, but I now have a full seven days of Brain Octane and grass-fed butter coursing through my veins and I have to admit I am feeling much better. Here are my two big improvements:

• Brain fog has lifted and I am back to writing this blog
• Inflammation is down...my right knee hasn't felt this good in a while and that is a surprise to me with all of the running I have been doing.
• Sugar cravings have disappeared

This Week's Math

So what are my mathematical plans for this week? Will I add something or subtract something from my routine? Actually, it's going to be both.

Add: Food Journaling

Yesterday, I added in a food journal. This has always been something I have struggled with and it took a bit of soul searching to figure out why. I thought it was just that I was lazy. In all honesty, it's because I didn't want to know what I was really eating. 

My journaling was always great for breakfast and lunch, especially when I was fasting and didn't have to record anything. However, things always went a bit sideways after work. Maybe I was ashamed to record that extra glass of wine or that handful of nuts I grabbed in the pantry, but for whatever the reason, I would stop journaling with the notion that "it's not that many calories". 

Subtract: Gluten and Sugar

Looking back at what I was eating and not eating last March, I remembered that I was trying out the Daniel Plan diet and had removed gluten and refined sugar from my diet. So, once again, I am removing those items. Thankfully, I'm not craving them, so it shouldn't be that bad. Fingers crossed.