Pressing Pause

Sorry, Coach, I pressed “pause” this weekend. I really didn’t intend to, but it’s what ended up happening. It started with me changing up my schedule to accommodate a massage that HS and I had scheduled for Sunday afternoon. I decided that I would do my long ride on Friday, my long run on Saturday and then on Sunday, I could sleep in a bit and still have plenty of time to get my swim in before church. Well, by the time Sunday rolled around, I was dead tired and decided not to swim.

Actually, I don’t think I was too tired to swim, but my attitude sucked. Probably due to the fact that I haven't been sleeping well. The dream I had in between alarms sort of sums up how I was feeling.

I was going to go swim and as I was driving to the pool, a car blocked the road. Actually, it really wasn't a road, it was more like the covered driveway area at Home Depot off of March Lane where you can drive up and load your vehicle. There was a small white truck parked across the driveway. As I stood there trying to figure out a way around the truck, more and more athletes that wanted to swim appeared behind me. Finally a frustrated police officer (or maybe it was a Home Depot employee) gave the go-ahead to rush the truck and push it out of the way. 

We attacked the truck and shoved it out of the way and then rushed to a small apartment building. The lucky people had an apartment there, other people knew people who were staying there. Everyone that could get in to the building did. I thought I was going to get in, but the apartment I was headed to was full of people I didn't know. I stood in the parking lot wondering what to do. 

It then dawned on me that I didn't need to go inside to change because I already had my suit on and I had my swim gear. At that point, I thought to myself "It's not worth it" and turned around and left.

Yikes! I hope this dream doesn't represent my sub-conscience feelings about Vineman...that I don't think it's worth it. I've come too far and put in too much time to feel so "meh" about this race.

Last year I was writing about "Super Girl"

Balancing Act

The funny thing is, physically I feel so much better than I did last year at this time. Other than a little fatigue in my legs, most days I feel great! Of course I equate this to not training hard enough. I notice Facebook posts about training sessions from other people…people that rode more miles than me or ran longer distances at faster paces. Self-doubt creeps in.

Seriously, I worry that because I can walk in the morning like a human and not Frankenstein; that I don’t have to warn the massage therapist to stay away from my Achilles tendons because they are sore to the touch; or that I currently have all 10 toe nails that I am not doing enough. I should be thrilled that I feel as good as I do. I really don't have time to do anymore than I'm doing!!! (Hmmm, on second thought, I don't think I'm doing enough LOL)

My mental condition is a different story. While my improved physical condition makes it much easier to smile throughout my training, I look around at the chaos in my home (not that I’m a neat freak) and think, I need to get this back under control when this is over. I’ve got weeds in the flower beds, a dirty car, dogs that need a trimming, laundry piled up in the spare bedroom, and a dining room that looks like a bike shop. And this is after my attempt to keep my life more balanced this year. Honestly, I really feel way more balanced in terms of HS, work, and life than I did the year before (I'm sure HS wouldn't necessarily agree...he's about had his fill of this crazy training lifestyle). Hang in there, Honey, it's almost over!!!

This balancing act is not always easy with my 9/80 work schedule. 9/80 means I work eight 9 hour days and one 8 hour day every two weeks with every other Friday off. This “off” Friday is usually when I try and catch up on house work and laundry. I even started swimming at the gym so I could get my swim workout done immediately after work instead of driving to and from Lodi. Since Wednesdays are my double workout days (swim and then a run) they became crockpot days so dinner would be ready as soon as I was finished. And while HS didn’t need to wait for me to eat, he always did and I am grateful for that. 

Saving Grace

One thing that snapped me out of my funk was having breakfast with my BFF and her hubby. It had been a while since the four of us had gotten together and there was a lot to catch up on. When the topic of Vineman came up, my BFF asked when I thought I was going to finish…meaning what time of day. I said I wasn’t sure because I didn’t know what the start time was. She remarked that since this was an official IRONMAN race, she was going to make a day trip to be there at the finish line to hear those words I have dreamed of for the last few years “Tracy Pengilly…You..are…an…IRONMAN!” She gets it! I had forgotten.

Because of her, I remembered why I’m doing this. Of course, when I think of all the time, training and expense, it seems like an awful lot just to hear 6 words…especially after I’ve already done this distance. I can’t explain it. All I know is that is what I want (and to improve my time from last year ha ha) and for the next 3 weeks, I am going to stay focused on this goal...housework be damned and maybe cooking too! LOL