Tethered by Fear

In July, my pastor put me in touch with a member of our church who had been hit while riding her bike. She shared some photos and talked about what happened. Her injuries were much worst than mine. We chatted for a while but at the end of our conversation, I seemed to feel worse. This was just another reason for me never to ride on the road again. 

The next weekend, as I pedaled away on my four and a half hour trainer ride, I came up with a catchy titled for a blog post that would justify my fear of the road. I started writing it, but it seemed boring and a little pathetic even to me. I had several paragraphs detailing every accident I had ever been involved in. I wasn't feeling it and I decided to think about what I was trying to say before going any further.

A few weeks later my training calendar reminded me that I was starting the toughest week of training. Roughly 14-1/2 hours of training not counting my daily walks. I rode 132 virtual miles on my bike, ran 22.75 miles on the treadmill, and completed 6,600y of swimming tethered to the pool deck. Swimming was one of the few times I actually ventured outside to do any training.

So, you might be asking yourself why I don't run outside. Well, after the hit and run on my bike, my anxieties seemed to get the better of me. On top of that, posts on Next Door about pit bulls running the street and other scary incidents had me afraid to run around my neighborhood. I was sure I was going to get attacked by something. I was always cautious before, making sure to take off all valuables except my Garmin and to tell HS my route so he could come find me...but there was no amount of caution that would make me feel safe, so I stuck to the treadmill.

September 30th rolled around and I decided that the anniversary of the accident would be the perfect time to finish my long boring blog post about being scared. I read what I had wrote so far and stripped out most of the long detailed paragraphs about car wrecks and bike accidents. It still wasn't any better and honestly, some of the car accidents I had been involved in when I was a kid didn't seem to have the same affect on me as recent ones. It's only been the incidents in the last five years that have me scared of the road.

Damage from the last hit and run.

Just to summarize, in the last five or so years, I have been involved in three hit and runs. Yes, three. Two in my cars, one on my bike. The accidents have left me feeling a little invisible and a bit worthless as a human. How can someone hit you and leave? What has changed in the last several years that make drivers think this is ok? People drive around completely distracted, driving way over the speed limit only, and only appear to think of themselves.

BACK TO MY POST

Back to my unwritten blog post... the bike hit and run anniversary came and went and I decided it was nothing to memorialize with a post. A few days later a triathlete I met before my first "official" IRONMAN was hit by a driver during an organized cycling event (Story Link). The driver fled. Thankfully she wasn't severely injured and the police were able to catch the driver not too long after the incident. I saw her name on the list of participants for IRONMAN California. I hope she makes it to the start line.

TAPER AND PREPARE TO UNTETHER

IRONMAN California is this weekend. As I write this, I have already checked in and there is not much left for me to do. As a triathlon friend once told me, "The hay is in the barn". I tell myself this, but I'm suffering from a bit of imposter syndrome. I'm worried that my "tethered" training isn't going to be enough. On top of that, the weather is going to be horrible. 

Rainy day for check-in and athlete briefing

Rain and wind forecast for race day...

The few IMCA Facebook groups that I follow are all over the place in terms of how to dress for the weather. Early on people talked about layering clothes with items you were willing to discard if the weather warmed/dried up. I kicked around a few options but as the forecast has remained unchanged (other than getting worse), I've decided to swim in an older 2-piece tri kit and then cover it up for the ride with waterproof (PI Dry Fabric) tights and a rain jacket. I've also got gloves and shoe covers. 

Anyone that know me knows I don't tolerate cold well (I have a space heater at work for afternoons when the AC gets too chilly). I would prefer to stay as warm and dry as possible on the ride. Fingers crossed that my choice in clothes works.

Other than that, all of my stuff is double bagged so it stays dry in the gear bags provided. 

Sunday morning will be time to cut the cord and face my fears. Suddenly, riding on the road has taken a backseat to the weather. My goal remains the same...finish the race!